Evan Williams

So for those of you not in the know, and who might think that this is going to be a review of a person, Evan Williams is a brand of decently cheap bourbon. And I might or might not have a love affair with said brand of bourbon.

This love-hate relationship with the fire water started shortly I had moved to Tennessee. About nine months before I had visited the Jack Daniel's distillery and actually decided that whiskey wasn't all that bad. 

I should also point out that I am not including scotch in the whiskey category. Scotch is its own special nectar that might or might not have been given to the human race by supernatural beings from a plane of pure heavenly majesty. That being said, other forms of whiskey didn't have the same magic to me and I wasn't a big fan. Especially not any of the cheaper whiskeys, and being that I was a rather poor college student, I couldn't afford to buy the expensive stuff for myself.

It probably also needs to be noted that whiskey is one of the only forms of alcohol that when I imbibe, I tend to get aggressive. Not so much angry. But if I ever get into a bar fight, it is probably a good bet that whiskey will be the cause.

So back to my discovery story of Mr. Williams. I had wandered into a liquor store looking for beer to take to a friend's house and came to a very HORRIFIC discovery. Liquor stores in Tennessee do not sell beer. They only sell wine and liquor (later I would find that some sell beer over 6% alcohol). So now, I am already running late and don't want to have to stop by a grocery that is probably out of my way, so I turn to get some Jack and find out that the Evan is like half the price. At the time I believe my local liquor store had it for $8.47 for a 750ml bottle. 

I think to myself, "What the hell? After drinking it for a little while, you won't taste the foulness anyway," and grabbed the bottle and went on to my friend's house. I have to confess that I don't exactly remember the rest of that evening, but I felt like crap the next day.

But I do remember being pleasantly surprised by the fact that Evan wasn't that bad. It isn't the best alcohol ever, but it is distinctly lacking in the rubbing alcohol taste that many other cheap whiskeys tend to have. I won't pretend that I have a great whiskey palate or anything, but to me this stuff is a lot better than other whiskeys in a similar price range (under $20 dollars for a bottle).

Now I will admit, I am a little bit of a cheap skate when it comes to liquor. Beer is a different story but this isn't a review of beer, it is a review of cheap bourbon. Although it no longer is as cheap as it was a year ago (stupid economy), I still find myself buying a bottle of it from time to time. 

I even took a large bottle of The Evan to the annual Beale Street Music Festival and we managed to sneak in about a liter of it per day. We never had any left over. And I never heard any complaints from my friends about the taste.

Basically it comes down to the fact that Evan Williams is decently cheap, doesn't make you go blind, doesn't taste like it was distilled from the rotting carcasses of animals found on the side of the road and could probably get a bull moose pretty hammered. Only drawback that I have found is that I generally feel like one of those rotting carcasses used to make other whiskeys the next morning. But hey, isn't that all part of being a raging alcoholic? 'Cause last time I checked, the things associated with alcoholism were hating morning due to hangovers and having a liver that is harder than titanium bricks.

I guess I can live with that though.

Rating Criteria

What is it meant for: Killing brain cells, disinfecting gun-shot wounds, cleaning the stove, getting attractive girls more likely to sleep with me and in a pinch making you see at least three of everything.

Achievement of said goal: 7.5/10

Now this is a little bit of a sliding scale. Obviously if I drink a bottle of this I am going to be on the floor asking people to hand me down more drinks. But being cheap bourbon I am rating this on the number of drinks versus how drunk I get scale, and since it is only 40 proof then it takes a bit before I am asking penguins for directions to the bathroom.

Learning Curve: 8/10

By learning curve, I am talking about how easy is it to over do it on the first bottle and wind up with your head against vomity porcelain. Being that I am rating this on straight whiskey and not in a mixed drink I am going to say that isn't very likely unless you are being super masochistic. Although this could be my imagination, but this does seem to pack a punch though if you aren't careful.

Enjoyability: 8/10

I can honestly drink this stuff straight or on the rocks from sobriety all the way to rehab. It does get easier as the night goes on though. Although if you really object to the taste at first you can get the plastic bottle, wrap your lips around the opening, upend the bottle and squeeze to get it in your stomach faster and thereby getting drunk so quickly you could drink Fish flavored Tapioca Lemonade and not mind it so much.

Overall: Better than receiving discount brain surgery in the back of some guys van but due to potential for a fairly violent hangover the next morning, is not as good as say a few good bong rips while watching Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.