The Southern Language

Now I know what some of you are saying. Something along the lines of "The Southern Language? You idiot, southerners speak English like the rest of America."

I am here to tell you that that is false.

First, like 22% of people living in America don't speak English at all. And then like another 25% of people speak English with such a strong foreign accent you can't understand them. And then there is the south, and that's like 45% of America. Leaving roughly 33% (have I ever mentioned I am not good with math) speaking English I can understand.

I grew up in Southern Florida and knew accents mostly from the New England area. Well New England and Cuba. So I understand them pretty well. And then a few years ago (for reasons probably brought on by alcohol or narcotics) I moved just outside of Memphis. It took me several weeks before I understood ANYONE. 

A friend from here dubbed me a "Florida Yankee" and occasionally will translate from "Hick" to English. In fact, a lot of my friends here have to do this for me. Well that is, when I am not having to ask them to translate themselves. 

The Southern Language is a confusing mix of mispronunciations, word switching and replacing and confusing proverbs. All of this with a heavy twang. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I find out that there is more than one dialect of the Southern Language. The people in Tennessee differ from those of Texas or Georgia or Virginia or, heaven help me, North Carolina. Each of these states has it's own dialect and is equally perplexing to my ears. 

I have been in the area for two years at this point and have found that the best way to learn to speak a new language is indeed to submerge yourself in it. I try very hard not to speak the language myself but have found understanding it with relative ease. Now if only I could get people to not give me directions based on what the area looked like 10 or 15 years ago...

Rating Criteria

What it is meant for: Communication. That or to discuss cotton...

Achievement of intended use: 7/10

After a lot of doing, it gets the point across but then again I can usually get my point across in a game of charades.

Learning Curve: 7/10

It took me over a year to be able to understand people to the point where I don't have to ask them to repeat themselves multiple times in a single conversation.

Enjoyability: 8.5/10

What can I say? A girl with a southern accent still gets me going.

Overall: Better than being pantsless in a room full of badgers with honey on your genitals but worse than a coupon for a  "Free something with the purchase of something three times more expensive."