And like everything else worth telling, it requires a little bit of back-story. Apparently Tennessee does jury duty different than everywhere else, and jurors are required to give up two months of their lives for juror service. Now, we don't have to be there every day, but we have to call every evening and find out if we have to be there the next day.
Well last night I called and found out I had to be there this morning. So that means that I have to look half way decent. When I first started on this juror service thing, I was all for it and suited up. Heading into month two of service, I was in a blazer and jeans. But since I am still a slave to fashion, I put on a pair of decently looking dress shoes. These are a pair of Emporio Armani lace-ups that my Mum gave to me as a gift a few years ago and I don't get to wear very often because they really only look good with jeans and I don't often dress up and stay in jeans. So I was excited because I got to wear shoes that I normally don't wear often.
Well, I wasn't selected to be on the jury and deciding that pay checks are a good thing, I called my boss to tell him that I would be able to come in today after all. I somehow got wrangled into helping out another department getting a product ready for delivery. And not having a spare pair of shoes in my vehicle, I was stuck in my dress shoes with only a thin layer of leather for support.
For five hours I stood on a concrete floor helping our mailing department. At which point my feet decided that they had had enough, gave me their notice, quit their jobs and moved to the Bahamas on an early retirement. Leaving me with some pretty pissed off ankles as they are not used to having to bear weight in that manner.
Now I would like to say that these particular shoes are just uncomfortable to stand in, and move on. Unfortunately, it isn't just these particular shoes. I have several other pairs of shoes that are all equally uncomfortable to wear. In all honesty, the ones I have on today are some of the more comfortable of my dress shoes. I have a pair of Jones of New York loafers that I think were actually designed by the Texas penal system as some sort of punishment for chronic jay walkers.
Maybe I have a talent for going out of my way to find the most uncomfortable shoes in the world and then purchasing them, but I can't buy into that. And ladies, I sympathize with you on the fact that you have to wear heels. I am so sorry. But you have to admit that a nice pair of heels makes an ordinary girl into a damn fine lookin' woman. And I am going to go along with that same theory for guys too. Sure the shoes may be really uncomfortable, but they look REALLY good.
It almost seems that the better a shoes looks, the more uncomfortable it is. Not always, but as a general rule. The shoes I have for my tux look incredible. I have to admit that they are stunning. But I don't even think that the Marquis de Sade ever thought of something as torturous as those things.
Perhaps the theory is that the more dressy the shoes, the less time you will actually spend standing in them. Well if that is the fallacy that cobblers are working under, then I have some news for them: Some people actually get dressed up and then go places and don't sit.
However, even with me trying to tell someone, anyone, this information, I do not think that the world of fashion is going to listen to me. So for the foreseeable future, if I want to look nice, or dress up to look either like Bond, one of the Reservoir Dogs or any of the other really cool guys in a suit, I will just have to bear the pain of uncomfortable shoes.
Rating Criteria
What are they meant for: Looking fabulous, irritating nerve endings, creating bone disorders
Achievements of said goals: 9/10
They look great and they make up for it by destroying your feet.
Learning Curve: 8/10
It is real easy to figure out how long you can wear them, but the penalty for going over this limit is steep and generally results in needing a wheelchair and orthopedic surgery.
Enjoyability: 10/10
Even as painful as they are, they still look good. And looking good is really enjoyable. Who doesn't want to look good? Well besides your parents...
Overall: Better than having a personal trainer with ulterior motives but not quite as good as getting a surprise birthday party complete with hot girl coming out of a cake.
No comments:
Post a Comment